Scientists toilet-training cows: crazy or smart?

I recently read an article published by Bloomberg that caught my eye: “Scientists Are Toilet-Training Baby Cows to Cut Emissions”. I’m including the link in case you haven’t seen it.

A couple of my colleagues here at We R Food Safety! asked me, the official, professional scientist on staff, if I had any comments on the research, and if I’d write a blog about the craziness of the whole thing. Regarding the research, what more can anyone say? The title speaks for itself. My reaction to the studies, however, requires more effort.

In short, to me the toilet-training experiment does not make any sense — not scientific, economic, environmental or any other. There is a Russian witticism: “If you want your cow to eat less and give more milk, just feed it less and milk it more.” Sounds logical, no? So, basically, these scientists are at approximately the same level of pragmatism as that Russian witticism. 

That portion answered, are they crazy? The answer — maybe surprising to you — is: Not at all. They are perfectly sane, and simply taking an advantage of today’s situation, which is: Any studies done under an umbrella of saving planet Earth get funded and get public attention. Public attention is then converted to funds again. And the show goes on. 

With this in mind, I would suggest (free of charge!) a few similar scientific topics that these researchers might use as a follow-up to their toilet-training study: 

1. Scientists Train Baby Cows to Lift Weights to Improve Digestion and to Cut Emissions. (for bonus fun, replace weightlifting with dancing, singing, hopping, etc.) 
2. Scientists Are Sauna-Training Baby Cows to Sweat More and Urinate Less to Cut Emissions.
3. Scientists Teach Yoga to Baby Cows So They Breathe Less to Cut Emissions.

If you haven’t figured out by now, the algorithm is clear. The key for researchers is to Cut Emissions from cows. I patiently await the mainstream media articles covering these crucial, potential, Earth-saving studies.

To return to the matter at hand, however: The idea to help the environment and save the planet remains important, for certain. However, I wonder how much funding that could be used for real research is wasted on studies like these, which appear crazy or ridiculous, but are a product of the publicity and funding mechanisms in place?

— Andrei Gindilis, senior scientist, andrei@werfoodsafety.com